Don't Mess With Bruce

So what if you can do 1, 2, 3, or 4 things better than sombody else. That doesn't make you better than them. So what if you can dunk a basketball over Bruce Lee, the basketball going through the hoop, the basketball hitting Bruce Lee's face, Bruce Lee slamming into the floor and your fat ass landing on top of him, crushing him against a cameraman. Who cares that you just b-otched Bruce Lee in the red paint in front of thousands and thousands, and on the telly no less. Does that make you better than him? Hell no it doesn't!! Try messing with him and his family in an awful manner, or picking a fight with him in a steel cage match. Then we'll see what happens. He'll karate chop your crying place to siberia and send your butt cheeks packing to your mamma's.

Of course, that scenario all depends on it happening before July 20, 1973, because that's the day Bruce Lee passed away, effectively guaranteeing that he wouldn't kung fu your ass to smithereens. But anyway, you get the picture. Just because you can do a few things better than someone else doesn't mean they can't woop your fanny.


You slamming it down on Bruce Lee's gobhole.



Bruce Lee opening a can of whoop ass.



So the moral of the story is... Don't mess around with Bruce. Hell, If I were you I wouldn't even mess around with anyone named Bruce, and that includes Bruce Springsteen (after all, he has bandmates with large instruments), Bruce Almighty (i.e. the part-time God), or Bruce Willis (unless you wanna hear that yippie-kai-ay Mo-Fo line after he just tore you a new A-hole and sent you to the guy with red horns and tail. Oh, and let's not forget Bruce Wayne. Unless you like being tackled by a guy who plays dress up.

And if I've forgotten any Bruces, real or imaginary, let me know.

L.A. Sherman is the author of Bengali Girls Don't