Losing weight has never been so easy

Meet Mr. I Beat Anorexia Man. He’s this really fat guy who wants to lose a few pounds, but no matter what he tries, he can not lose any weight. EVER. But as he sits reading the newspaper this day, he sees an ad that says, “LOSE AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU WANT FOR ONLY A DOLLAR AN HOUR.” So he gets all excited and calls the number from the ad and tells them he wants to lose ten pounds.

“Sure, sir,” the customer rep on the other end of the line says to the receiver. “We'll send a representative over to your house tomorrow morning.”

The next morning the door bell rings and Mr. I Beat Anorexia Man opens the door and sees this really hot blonde there with a sign on her chest that says, "If you catch me, you can have sex with me." So he goes to grab her, but she runs away, and his only option is to chase her. When he catches her, he has sex with her, and when she leaves, he goes home to find that he’s now ten pounds lighter. Elated over his sudden fat loss, he decides to call the number and tell them he wants to lose twenty.

“No problem, sir,” says the customer service rep to the receiver. “Someone from our office will be there tomorrow morning.”

The next morning same thing. He chases the hot blonde who comes to the door, catches her and has sex with her and, in the processes, loses twenty more pounds. “Well, I’ll be a Goddamned son-of-a-bitch,” he says at his own luck, deciding that he’ll call the number and tell them he wants to lose thirty. 

“Absolutely,” says the customer service rep to Mr. I Beat Anorexia Man during their phone conversation. “I’ll have someone at your house first thing tomorrow morning.”

“No, wait,” says Mr. I Beat Anorexia Man to the customer service rep, re-thinking his situation. “I think I want to lose fifty.”

“Are you sure? That’s way too much. No one in their right mind can lose—”

“Hell yeah, I’m sure,” says Mr. I Beat Anorexia Man.

“Okay,” says the customer services rep with a smile. “I’ll send someone over in the morning.”

The next morning Mr. I Beat Anorexia Man, who is all excited about losing more weight and screwing a hot chick, jumps out of bed at the doorbell, answers the door with a hard-on, and finds himself in front of a gorilla, who has a sign on its chest that says, “If I catch you, I’ll fuck the shit out of you.”